Welcome to Gutting History, with Pascu and Rodri
Today we bring you the story of, literally
'The woman Mulan joins the army instead of her father'
A girl in China who sewed nonstop
Since she was so smart she learned to fight on her own
Since they were at war the emperor ordered that
The men be drafted whether they liked it or not
And Mulan, who’s super badass, offered to fight
'If my dad goes we’re gonna die, because he’s totally useless'
And she bought a sword and left
On horseback to the mountain and enlisted
With other dangerous men, but she outdid them all
And she tries to hide her identity
Always trying to go pee alone
And although it seems strange to them, as long as she fights they don’t care
In some versions of the tale she doesn’t even have to hide
Her name, and Ping was nothing more than her general’s name
Since she had so much talent for fighting
They send her on her first mission
The mission was easy, they only had to catch
'That’s a cinch, let’s go!'
She got on the horse and gathered her men
And went off to fight for the emperor
And Mulan set up a trap so as to lure out
'There he is, we’re gonna smash you!'
And she charged at him on her steed
She hands him over to justice so that
They execute and dismember him or that they rip off his skin
And for this great honor they were summoned
To the palace to speak with the emperor
He served them duck wings and offered her a big post
But Mulan turns down her prize
Was it she who won the war or her male alter ego?
With this mess in her head she goes back
Home as if nothing had happened
And she marries a neighbor!
And Mulan invites her friends over for dinner
And then the truth is found out
And everybody was happy for Mulan
Whether she was a girl or a guy they didn’t care
They threw a party and we’ve reached the end
But first we want to remind you
That girls can also smash