The family's rapper, won't he drop a little rap for us
Aurélien, a song, Aurélien
Since we're all gathered here
To sing 'Les démons de minuit'
Eat duck mousse on blinis
Dance under Gifi strobe lights
I prepared a little speech
Because I gotta confess a small detail about my life
I hate family parties
First off, nights when I'm sure I won't f*ck
I had too many of those in high school
I've already considered some cousins
Even if it meant risking trisomy
But when I see Delphine's mug
Who's useless except for whining
I get why her drunk boyfriend
Would rather dance with the dog
If I'm over thirty
And I'm still sitting at the kids' table
It's so I can tell them to watch out for Christian
When he's got alcohol in his blood
And because I can't stand hearing
The parents' dirty jokes
I think dad would f*ck mom
On the table if you thought that was funny
Vincent, you're the same age as me
How come you're still older
If you're not scared of the void
Look Murielle in the eyes
Sorry, but I spent the afternoon blowing up balloons
In a military setup vibe imposed by the old man
While my brother-in-law was reciting
Political clichés with passion
Watching me carry boxes
While groping my sis every three seconds
There are exactly the right number of cups per person
You gotta write your names
Because auntie is the kind of cheapskate
Who washes the paper plates
Uncle, if you keep doing 'yo, yo' with your fingers
Every time you walk past me
You'll use them for the last time
I still hate you for when I was little
And you shook me like a wh*re
If you cared about your wing mirrors
Why'd you park behind the goal
I'd like to welcome Bruno's new wife
If Caro's not listening to me anymore
She's cooking up her next gossip
Forgive her, she wouldn't be like that if her husband didn't cheat on her
Or maybe he cheats on her because she is like that
Message to all my distant cousins
Come on, let's stop pretending we're buddies
Because some ancestor we don't even know
Is the only thing we share
Who probably burned villages and looted houses
Around the same time grandpa was f*cking Joan of Arc
By the way, grandpa, tell us about the time
When you were nine and you killed Hitler
You weren't even a good liar
My hero was you, Nico
But since you got with that kinda hot b*tch
You're just a real redneck like the others
Coming to take pics of yourself
To feed your social media
Taking advantage of being with a few proles
So you can play the hipster even more
Polo, if you want to impress me
It's not by rolling fancy joints
Or by saying 'wesh' way too much for a blond kid
Seeing as your dad has a problem with Arabs
That's a lovely irony
By the way, he's less likely to die from terrorism
I hope auntie straps the kids in tight
Because her husband's gonna drive back on autopilot
As if he had a self-driving car
I had more things to tell you
But when I see your puffy a**hole faces
I can only wonder if there are enough
Pigs on Earth to feed you
I'd like to finish by saying that no matter the smiles
A tiny inheritance was all it took to see your real faces