I got a fainting spell on a Sunday morning
I fell flat, like a soursop, on the drain
Maybe it's the pressure or my bilirubin's risen
And I kept turning white like a mothball
They took me to a people's hospital, supposedly
In the ER, the receptionist was listening to the lottery
Somebody have pity on me!
I screamed while losing consciousness
And a nurse came up to my ear and said
Relax, Bobby, relax
She caressed me with her Ben-Gay hands and said
And I told her in great detail what had happened to me
We have to check your pressure
But the room's occupied and, my dear
In this hospital there's no power for an electrocardiogram
I opened my eyes like a full moon and grabbed my head
Because it's really hard to cross Niagara on a bicycle
Don't tell me that the doctors are gone
Don't tell me that there's no anesthetic
Don't tell me that they drank the alcohol
And that the sewing thread
Was embroidered into a tablecloth
Don't tell me that the forceps got lost
That the stethoscope's partying
That the X-rays burned out
And that the IV was already used
I leaned on her shoulders like a cripple on his crutch
And said to her: What do I do, princess?
And on a prescription pad she wrote me very sweetly
She caressed me with her Ben-Gay hands and went on her way
And I clearly heard when she told another patient
Relax, Bobby, relax
I lowered my eyes to half-mast and grabbed my head
Because it's really hard to cross Niagara on a bicycle
Don't tell me that the doctors are gone
Don't tell me that there's no anesthetic
Don't tell me that they drank the alcohol
And that the sewing thread
Was embroidered into a tablecloth
Don't tell me that the forceps got lost
That the stethoscope's partying
That the X-rays burned out
And that the IV was already used
Don't tell me that somebody's dropping
Don't tell me that the aspirins
Don't tell me that somebody's giving birth
Don't tell me that somebody's giving birth to me
Don't tell me that the aspirins
Don't tell me that somebody's falling