(Some days it's hard to get out of bed
I feel like I'm not really there, you know?
It feels like I'm a spectator
This search of mine for meaning is so meaningless
but even so I keep searching)
I'm rational even in my emotions
I want something concrete even in the abstract
Give me the certainty that you want me too
I don't like theories, I work with facts
I hate all of life's uncertainties
Every maybe you always tell me
Give me the guarantee of a perfect future
Instability always splits us up
What's the point of everything I do, tell me
I don't want to pretend I'm happy today
I feel like time doesn't stop
To be honest I'm kinda lost
And every day I don't leave the house
Is one less useful day of life
They've told me it's childhood trauma
They say it gets better with a therapist
Maybe it's a lack of religion
I prayed to God and he just ignores me
What's the point of everything I do, tell me
I don't want to pretend I'm happy today
(I always wonder how people
Accept that life is like this
Should I have been born already knowing
Or actually nobody knows
And everyone's pretending
I don't know, I can't accept
That I have this single life
And I don't know what to do with it
That even the longest days
Go by really fast and slow at the same time
It feels like I won't have time
To do everything I need
But living is so exhausting too)
And I know I'm wrong
And that living is not knowing
Of messing up and never learning
And I know I'm wrong
And that nobody's that normal
But I'm already tired of seeing that
(I wanted to look at life in a more optimistic way
I didn't want to leave it
Without understanding the reason for all this)